Have you ever heard the phrases (maybe you are the one saying them?):You are not smart enough You are not pretty enough You are not strong enough You are not skinny enough You are not loving enough You are not emotional enough You are not sexy enough You are not proper enough You are not industrious enough You are not childish enough You are not adult enough You are not concrete enough You are not abstract enough
The list can be made miles long but in short it all means the same, you are not good enough.
Good enough for who?
So who decides whether or not we are good enough? Manny of us rely on others to know this about ourselves and it’s rarely the optimistic projections that we consider worth while. I myself have big issues with this question. I’ve never really felt good enough for the people in my life, but that’s not what this post is about, this post is about what you do have to do if you live with these feelings.
First of all the two above questions are the key, who are you supposed to be good enough for and who decides whether you are or not? Well when we simplify it completely the answer is the same. It’s a tough one but it really is you. yourself who both decide and are the only person you are supposed to be good enough for. AND you are!
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, not even yourself. That is the hardest voice to ignore. I should know, I have therapeutic conversations with myself about both whether or not I’m good enough and my worth. These conversations don’t always end on the optimistic side however at least most of the time they do.
The thing about talking to that part of you, the part which holds all the negative views of yourself, is that you can figure out why a part of you feels this way. However, something that is extremely important to remember is that the other part of you, the one holding the positive view of yourself, needs to problematize all the answers coming from negative you. Because if you don’t keep asking all the conversation will do is to enlarge the negative and choke the positive. Don’t do it on an off day, that will do the same.
For me it works to really find out the whys about how I feel about myself, I’m not saying it works for everyone but it works for me.
As a person I’m good enough even if I can be better at some things but that’s about developing skills and that has nothing to do with my self-worth. The same goes for you!
Don’t be afraid to talk with yourself, out loud or just in your head, because if you can’t find out the reasons then it’s troublesome to change the way you look upon yourself and the world.
Lots of love. Ann