There are words I wish I could say, words that I can’t find a way to write down neither by key nor hand. They are words I whisper in the darkness, beautiful words I fear would shatter if someone saw or heard them and menacing words that I dread would gain power if anyone knew of them.
If my words would become something real, something tangible they could hurt me or others, they could grow out of my control and become something they were never meant to. The softness of the whisper in the dark would be gone, my warmth or the tremble of my voice in those words would be lost.
I used to write, poetry, half-finished stories, songs and journals. I let my friends read my poetry and critique them and I grew as a poet. I sang my own songs on stage and felt something amazing each time. I reread my journal entries laughed at my fears of the future and cried with my past self at hurtful ones. I can’t do it anymore. I have lost my words in a concern for what other might see in them, in MY words. I’ve tried to find my way back to them, but this seems to be as close as I get.
I still write poems and songs, they just never end up on paper. they are never saved and never heard. They are words hardly spoke and feelings felt, they are the innermost of who I am, the words that embodies me.
They are my whispers, my breath, they are my soul.
Nurture your words. Lots of love / Ann